Self esteem links.

[randomling]

First of all: you guys are amazing. Each and every one of you!

I'm coming at this topic a little sideways. If we want to know what self-esteem is, Wikipedia has a fairly useful article on self-esteem, its definition, various theoretical frameworks, and various manifestations. But I think most of you already have a reasonable idea what is meant by "self-esteem".

So the question becomes: how do we encourage ourselves and each other to increase or develop positive self-esteem? Given that's one of the main purposes of this community - self-esteem as an antidote to impostor syndrome - it's something I'm currently really interested in finding out.

To that purpose, have some links:

staranise has an article on validation, encouragement and negative self-talk which I found very interesting.

What does negative self-talk say, really say? It says, I am an observer of the world around me. I see and hear things no one else does. I interpret, create meanings of everything, and I have a private truth to tell myself. I have a strong sense of how I do and do not want to be treated, and I feel it acutely when I am harmed. I am attuned to connection, achievement, and justice, and something about these things in my world has gone badly wrong.

Captain Awkward answered a reader question on accepting compliments and has some relevant advice on the matter.

As a kid praise and attention or being singled out in any way publicly made me want the earth to open up and swallow me. I would do stuff like learn to play the flute or join the debate team and then quit as soon as people said I might be good at it, because being publicly good at things was too much pressure. So let me validate your feelings of weirdness and discomfort: They’re real! And wicked uncomfortable! Congratulations!

Havi Brooks at The Fluent Self has a great article on What You Do When You Feel Like Dirt. For me, feeling like dirt is almost always a self-esteem problem, but Havi's article is somewhat broader, covering pretty much any time you feel crappy. However, it covers a bunch of useful themes like self-acceptance, and I think it's useful here.

As soon as you start demanding to know why everything feels so awful, you start to doubt the legitimacy of the feeling and wonder what’s wrong with you?!

And finally, the UK mental health charity Mind have a great, comprehensive article on how to increase your self-esteem. I'll definitely be going through this later and seeing what I can use!

Your beliefs make the difference between high and low self-esteem. It is important to realise that these are only opinions, they are not facts. They can be biased or inaccurate, and there are steps you can take to change them.

And that's it for today's linkspam on self-esteem! Please feel free to discuss these articles in the comments, or drop in any other resources on self-esteem you might have.

Comments

[randomling]

Worth noting: immediately after making this post, I jumped into IRC and said something along the lines of, "Well, I made a post. It's probably a terrible post, but whatever." I was immediately called on my impostor syndrome.

Yes, I have impostor syndrome about my impostor syndrome community.

Make of that what you will!

[eibbil_libbie]

My long lost twin!

Because I read this post and actually hesitated about commenting because I didn't want it to look like I was butting in.

[randomling]

♥ I know the feeling! I'm really glad you stepped in anyway!

[eibbil_libbie]

I had an amazing group therapist when I was in a college self-esteem group.

She had us write down one thing, one physical attribute we liked about ourselves. Didn't matter what. A birthmark you thought was cool, hands, toes, eyes, a hairstyle you managed once but never again.

Then she had us take a picture(s) of it and put one picture at eye level on every mirror in our rooms (for us it was the suite bathroom and the one on our dresser.) Every time we looked in the mirror, we would see that picture, that one thing we liked. For me it was my hands just after a manicure.

I thought it was stupid at the time, but then I slowly started to realize that what I saw in those mirrors was changing. I saw my hands first and I'd smile, then I'd see the reflection of that smile...not the "God, my hair looks awful today" look.) That one initial positive reaction had a way of shifting my whole outlook.

[randomling]

Wow, that sounds like a really interesting exercise. Potentially useful for a lot of people, I think, but I would kind of shudder and run away at first stage, and shudder even harder and run further when it came to the picture-taking stage! Ugh, photographs.